By: Isabel Sullivan
photo courtesy of Alanna Greene
ALAMEDA– In an effort to become more engaged with his education, an Alameda student has been caught copying a peer’s enthusiasm toward attending school.
“I was inspired by my peer’s passion for learning,” said the perpetrator, whose imitation of passion allowed him to better relate to his classmates and teachers, and to view school time as less of an obligation, and more of a privilege.
Parents, teachers and students alike were astounded by the faker’s actions. “I never pegged him for a cheater,” said one teacher. “He was the cream of the crop, top of the curve.”
Fellow students applauded his quantified success in the past, but any admiration he once received is no longer.
“I cannot believe he would betray our trust,” said a student. “This was a selfish act and an affront to the dignity of the students of Alameda High School.”
The administration is also frustrated by the student’s apparent lack of scruples. “We have a zero-tolerance policy for cheating and this student was aware of that policy when he adopted his fraudulent enthusiasm,” said the dean of students.
The dean refused to discuss specific disciplinary measures taken against the student. Upon review of the Student Handbook however, Oak Leaf staff found it most likely that the student will get off with a warning this time. Next time, he will be hung from his thumbs in the dungeon.
The College Board hopes the student will register for a number of exams this season, in order to compensate for his new-found passion. “We hope that this student will submit himself completely to our necessary, however stress-filled and expensive, system of examination,” said a local College Board representative.
In the interest of redemption, the cheater has publicly acknowledged his wrongdoing and apologized for his “deviation from the moral code” of Alameda High School. He has confirmed registration for a traditional SAT test, as well as several subject tests, which should crush any passion by which he was previously affected.
“I am truly sorry about the harm I may have caused to my classmates when I attempted to imitate my peer’s passion,” said the student. “I cannot wait to return to the fold.”
Unfortunately, this apology may have arrived too late. Due to this student’s actions, we now have an epidemic of dishonesty on our hands. More and more morally bankrupt students are cheating themselves and their peers out of a high-stress, score-driven education in exchange for an engaging classroom experience.